he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
