remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
