There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
