You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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