So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
