I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
