i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
