question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I still have a little drunk in my system
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
