I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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