so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
