I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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