new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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