Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
