Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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