The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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