His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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