Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize