THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
