did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
