At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize