what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
