Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
