I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize