Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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