I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
