Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
