I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize