you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
