I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
