I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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