I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
