Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
