He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The uberlube is also flammable
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
