I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize