Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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