you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
