every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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