have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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