woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
