hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
