There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
how drunk are you?
Several
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
