I want to make a zoo with you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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