i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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