Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize