she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
