Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this just has baby written all over it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
