So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
