When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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