And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize