i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
