Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
