he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
