i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
