What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
