It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
