Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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