I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
