tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
