ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
