She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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