I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
