my phone needs a breathalizer
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
