I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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