More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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