I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
