Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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