We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
did i just pee glitter
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
