So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
