the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
