Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
