Having a random hookup so left but love u
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
