me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
