Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
