Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
