so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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