i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
