Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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