nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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