She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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