there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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