glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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