God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
