i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
