I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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