I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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