So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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