last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize