Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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