Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
