Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
