one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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