I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
