I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
