Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
