She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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