Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
