My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
