I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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