Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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