Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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